“It’s just so lovely being a daughter again.”

As families age, dynamics change. Children quickly become adults who spread their wings and fly off into the world. They have families of their own and get caught up in building their new lives. Parents age quickly, and at times, little habits become concerns, and those concerns raise the need for changes. In some cases, it means that adult children become their parents’ caregivers.

Heather Taylor’s mum, Ann, started showing signs of dementia, leading Heather and her husband, John to care for Ann for almost two years before seeking full-time support, which came from Summerset on the Landing, in Kenepuru.

“We noticed mum started doing some unusual things. She was keeping firewood in the bathtub, we had concerns about her taking medication, and she would repeat the same story all the time. She had also started giving the same answer to questions. Every day I asked her what she’d had for dinner and mum would always say chicken, potato, carrots, beans, and peas.”

“Mum was diagnosed with dementia, and we struggled quite a lot. What we discovered with dementia is that mum thinks she's absolutely fine. She thinks she's really well, she still does.” Said Heather.

Heather and her husband John cared for Ann in her home for almost two years before the doctor advised that Ann needed full-time care. “At the beginning of 2023, John and I agreed that we weren’t coping anymore, it was getting too stressful. Every time I went to mums, I'd come home grumpy or crying and things were changing; she couldn't remember how to use her remote anymore, and she would hide her pills. When we cleaned out her house, we found so many pills. Said Heather.

“John and I had visited Summerset on the Landing in Kenepuru, about eighteen months before mum moved in. We had a look around the village and decided this was the place. We didn't look anywhere else. I stood my ground a little bit with that because I just felt good about everything. I know it's brand spanking new, but it just has a warmth to it. It feels homely.”

Like any big change, it took time for Ann, Heather and John to adjust to their new way of living. But once Ann was settled into her care apartment at Summerset on the Landing in Kenepuru, knowing that her mum is safe and cared for has allowed Heather to be a daughter again.

“It took around four or five months for mum to fully settle in, and it was a bit of a roller coaster. But I knew we had done the right thing. And then suddenly, everything seemed to come right. I came in one day to visit, and she was sitting on the lounge with a couple of ladies. She wasn't really interested in me, I thought this is fabulous.” Said Heather

“When we were caring for mum at home, she used to get really annoyed when I asked where she’d put something, and she couldn't remember where it was. Now she'll laugh because she's in a better space, environmentally and mentally. I'll say “Oh, mum. You're so forgetful and she'll laugh.”

“I feel like I've got a better relationship with mum than I've ever had in my life. People have said to me, “Wow Heather, you've got your buzz back. You’re happy and back to your loud, noisy, silly self.” You could see the benefits almost straight away. Mum started looking better. She was having her pills, three meals a day, she was hydrated.”

“She’s also taking more pride in her appearance. Mum has always worn earrings and a necklace. But she’s started asking if her outfits look nice and we went shopping for some blouses recently. For the last few years at home, she always wore the same two shirts. It’s lovely for me to see, that she's like taking that little bit of pride. She'll even say, “my apartments lovely, isn't it?” Said Heather

Caring for a loved one is a responsibility not undertaken lightly. However, it’s important to recognise when full-time care is needed, to protect the relationship between the person being cared for and those providing the care. Allowing professional staff, like those at Summerset to look after the everyday needs, means you can spend quality time with the people you love. Rather than worrying and trying to stay a step ahead.

“I found it hard handing the care responsibility over to other people. But it was so nice not having to go up to mums and check to see which pills she'd had.” Said Heather

“When people ask how it’s all going, I say it’s just so lovely being a daughter again. We now have a stronger relationship than we've ever had, even before dementia. Mum and I always got on really well, but this is even better. Just recently, mum told me she loved me before I told her I loved her, and that was huge, because she always tells my daughters she loves them. When I say, ‘I love you,’ mum doesn't normally say it back. But just recently she put her arms around me and said, “I love you.”

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